Would you sit down with a journalist and reveal the most private and personal elements of your life to raise awareness and give hope to others? Would you talk openly about your gender and sexuality to help those who are struggling feel less alone? Would you lay bare everything you have come to know about yourself and who you are to inspire change?
Lee Butz had to think long and hard before they did just that. And that makes their story even more powerful. What you are about to read was not easy for them to say. It is not something they always knew they wanted to share so widely. This was not an interview they agreed to do without spending time processing the pros and cons. Ultimately, they decided that in an industry and a world where so many are silent, the time had come to speak out.
“I don’t want to be that person on stage because of their gender and sexuality,” Butz says. “I want to be known for what I do and the company I have built. But I do also feel a duty to take everything I have learnt and give something back. If it changes the experiences of even a few people or if we can get anyone reading this to change the way they treat their employees as a result, then we have created the start of a ripple effect. And if I can be a part of that in any way, I am very happy to tell my story.”
“They don’t teach this stuff in school”
The founder and chief executive of District Technologies came out as non-binary trans last year, meaning they do not identify as male or female. “I actually came out for the second or third time,” they say. “I keep coming out with different things as I identify and learn more about myself.”
Already well known in the real estate and tech sectors, Butz changed their name to Lee and pronouns to they and them. They let clients and colleagues know via e-mail and began to work under their new name. It all sounds deceptively straightforward; a huge life change neatly summed up in a few short sentences. Of course, it was anything but.
This transition was years in the making. Years in which Butz felt they were not who they should be. Years of not knowing how to address the issue or who to talk to. Years of feeling alone without any one to look to for guidance or inspiration.
“I never had any role models growing up and they certainly don’t teach this stuff in school,” says Butz. “If you can’t be who you are in terms of your identity, that is incredibly traumatising. Imagine not being able to be the person you feel you are inside?
“Being non-binary, I feel better than I’ve ever done before,” they add. “I don’t have to fit into any gender stereotype. I don’t feel like I’m a trans man, but I also don’t feel like a woman. And that was all part of my personal exploration.” A personal exploration that was suppressed for many years.
“We all want to feel accepted”
Growing up in Germany in the 2000s, there was no one from the trans community for Butz to look up to. A cookie-cutter existence was not just accepted as the norm, it was actively encouraged.
“I went through life very much conditioned by the society I grew up in and for many years that reality was very true in my eyes,” they say.
So true, in fact, that some of the biggest hurdles they faced when exploring their sexuality and gender identity were overcoming their own entrenched beliefs. “It was not easy to accept myself. I don’t think it is easy for anyone who goes through this,” says Butz. “The hardest thing for me was working against my own internalised transphobia and homophobia. I think we all have it – even queer and trans people – because of the society we live in.”
In admitting a resistance to embrace change even in relation to one’s own life story, Butz hopes to break down barriers that have hidden the realities around gender identity for years. How did they move past their ingrained beliefs and find the confidence to be who they wanted to be?
For Butz, it was research, finally finding role models and many years of therapy that helped them to explore and re-evaluate their sexuality and gender identity. And they point out there is an important difference between the two. Gender identity is about who you are, and who you feel you are, whether that is the gender you were assigned at birth or not. Your sexuality is a separate thing.
“In terms of my sexuality, I wanted to be straight,” they say. “I really, really tried throughout my teenage life. I thought being straight would make my life easier. Eventually I came to realise that I was choosing to make my life harder by not being me. I finally thought ‘why should I date people I don’t want to date because the world tells me that I should?’
“My experience with gender was very similar. I am nearly 31 now and for the first 26 years of my life I just thought ‘I have been born in this body so I have no other choice’. I didn’t meet a trans person until I was 27 and when I did finally start meeting these people it triggered me to go into another period of self-reflection. I asked myself how I really felt in my body. I don’t think many people do that and I would encourage anyone, even if you are straight or cis – which means you identify as the gender you were assigned at birth – to reflect on who you are.
“Do you feel good in your body? How does this impact on your mental health? Ultimately, we all just want to feel safe and accepted and how you feel about yourself and your mental health is such a huge part of that. It isn’t just an issue for trans people but for everyone. You can’t help but think “Am I loved? Am I safe? Am I accepted?”
“Be empathetic to others’ experiences”
Acceptance should be the bare minimum. Sadly, there is still a long way to go, particularly in an industry like real estate.
“I used to dress a certain way for work and then completely differently on the weekends,” says Butz. “It was like I was living two separate lives where I would be more comfortable in my masculinity in my free time but felt like I had to put on this femininity to be professional. A lot of companies now are putting education programmes and gender diversity training in place and are becoming more accepting of trans people, but we are still stuck at the very beginning of where we need to be.”
Read more: Life as a trans woman in property
Part of the problem comes down to communication – or lack thereof. Silence plays a huge role in hampering progress. There are those who have gone through similar experiences to Butz who are too afraid to speak up. Equally, there are plenty of allies – those who want to support the LGBTQ+ community among others – who don’t fully understand what to do for the best so opt to do, and say, nothing.
I can see why. The fear of unintentionally offending someone, getting pronouns wrong, not asking the right questions and generally not being sure of what you can and cannot say weighs heavy on many people’s minds. Mine included. I am proud to call myself an ally but do I always know what to say? No. Was I nervous ahead of my interview with Butz in case I said the wrong thing, despite knowing them for years? Yes. But just as they were brave enough to speak out, the allies and would-be allies must be brave enough to ask questions and accept that slip-ups along the way are part of the process. A simple but genuine apology and a will to keep learning and try not to make the same mistake again is really all anyone expects. And, says Butz, never underestimate the power of empathy and education.
“You can be a better ally just by being empathetic to other people’s experiences,” they say. “At work we all focus on money and success and we want to be good at what we do, that’s fine. But understanding that we are all humans first and foremost and creating a culture where everyone can feel safe, seen and accepted for who they truly are should not be forgotten. And I will also say that I think every company should hire a diversity consultant. I am trans and queer but I probably wouldn’t be the best person to train people because I haven’t done years of diversity training. But there are people and companies that specialise in this and they will tell you exactly how to communicate with your employees and what pronouns to use.”
If in doubt, they say it is always best just to ask. “I had a phone call from an investor after I sent out the e-mail who was like ‘I don’t understand, can you explain this to me?’ I was so happy to because it was such a good approach. He wasn’t being at all judgemental, he just didn’t understand what non-binary was and I was grateful to have an opportunity to explain it to him. I didn’t even know what non-binary was five years ago.”
“You must challenge yourself”
What about those who don’t think to ask questions? Those who haven’t thought about how they might be an ally? Companies that haven’t given much – if any – thought to tackling these issues?
Butz urges companies across the sector to reflect on why acceptance has proven so difficult for so long. Understanding the problem is the first step towards fixing it. “We connect with people who are similar to us,” they say. “This is how humans work. Often people can be intimidated by differences or think ‘that’s not right’. But you must challenge yourself. Challenge things you have thought for years if you have to and then ask yourself ‘why do I have to agree with someone else’s life choices?’”
The short answer is you don’t. And if the ethics of it aren’t convincing enough, Butz warns that not tackling these issues or learning how to better communicate with employees could start hitting the bottom lines of businesses. “We should support individuals and employees because we want people to feel safe and not harassed at work. That should be the number one driver,” they say. “But if we need to get through to companies and corporations about why they should do this, then the answer is that it will make you more money.”
Why? Because the more people are happy in their jobs, the more productive your workforce will be. Research by Forbes suggests that diverse management teams result in an average 19% increase in revenue. Research by McKinsey revealed that diversity can double profitability and stock valuation. “This research is showing that companies can be twice as successful when they are more diverse,” says Butz.
“I would say to anyone reading this, if someone in your company or team does express to you that they feel a certain way or that they might want to come out, create an environment where they feel safe to do so and feel safe to speak to you about anything. Whether that’s a trans person wanting to change their name or pronouns or someone who is struggling with mental health, how they are treated because of their race or any other diversity issues, just be there and be available. I truly believe that if you have people working for you who feel like they can’t be themselves, they won’t be connecting well with other people and they are not going to be as productive or as good for your bottom line as they could be.”
“Differences are diversity”
A question hangs heavy here. Is Butz disappointed that after finding the courage to tell their story publicly, the conversation still works its way back to the bottom line? Yes and no, they say. On one hand, of course there should be a desire to initiate change by making employees feel safe and accepted. But for as long as the education process is in its early stages, any catalyst for transformation should be embraced, whatever it might be.
“It is difficult,” says Butz. “We are all human and we are all different. We need to get to a stage in real estate and many other industries where we don’t see someone based on their sexuality or their gender but how well they do their job. It might be that they are dealing with issues around their sexuality and gender that are stopping them from being good at their jobs. Then the time comes to step up. If someone is going through something then can you, as an individual or an employer, help them? Can you make sure they feel supported enough to get back to being really good at their jobs again? It really is as simple as that.
“The best thing we can all try to do when we read stories like mine is learn from them. We need to try and support the differences between us as and we need to accept those differences for what they actually are; diversity.”
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