Little property shop of horrors
A miniature estate agent, fixed grin and all. Possibly the scariest thing you’ll see all weekend. Part of a genius list of ‘Terrors of London’ Halloween outfits for children compiled on the blog www.thisisladyland.com. Estate agent comes in at number four on a list that also includes The Hipster, The Pigeon and The Traffic Warden. And while a picture speaks a thousand words, it is the accompanying description that really makes it: “Although she’s smiling, she’s possibly the most treacherous of all the terrors, The Estate Agent. She’ll take you on her tour of terror to Brixton because it’s the new Shoreditch, then to West Norwood because it has an artisanal bread shop now, then to Penge because it’s the new West Norwood, then finally to Croydon to show you a flat you can afford.” Chartered surveyors would, of course, never make the list.
Banking is child’s play
Kidzania, a new £20m attraction being built at Westfield London has fascinated, amused and disturbed some property types. Dubbed a ‘city for children’, Kidzania gives kids the chance to play at ‘grown-up’ occupations while their parents shop, such as being doctors, pilots, postmen – and bankers. “Seeing a bunch of kids with an average age of seven wearing floor broker jackets, effectively doing what I do every day perfectly well, was quite confrontational,” said one JP Morgan analyst. And if any of the kids have real estate ambitions, www.thisisladyland.com might be able to help them out with an outfit.
Premature congratulations
It is perfectly understandable for a developer to be excitable ahead of a big date. Especially when – like One Park Lane’s Heap’s Mill project in Liverpool – that date represents a planning committee meeting to discuss a deeply controversial regeneration project. Diary was initially pleased on Tuesday to receive a press release celebrating the scheme’s approval by the city’s planners. However, eyebrows were quickly raised as the meeting in question had not actually taken place yet. Diary admires the confidence of the party in question – which was vindicated later that day when the project was subsequently approved – but suggests it finds a way to contain its excitement a little better next time.
Music maestro
Estates Gazette was in Dubai last week hosting its first global real estate debate with Cluttons. But the real gossip came at a dinner after the event. Cluttons senior partner Bill Siegle let slip that while studying at the College of Estate Management in London he was music headhunter for college social gigs. Artists he sourced to play in the 1970s, before they hit the big time, include Genesis and Queen (who started out as a band called Smile). When Diary asked Siegle if he felt he had missed his calling in life, he said: “Maybe, but life in property has proved pretty entertaining too.”
CBRE channels Big Brother
CBRE’s official launch of it’s new ‘mini Henrietta House’ office in Birmingham was packed to the rafters last Thursday. Around 100 CBRE staff, including head honcho Martin Samworth, mingled with 200 guests at the former Bank of England banking hall turned swish CBRE regional HQ. Time for the speeches, and Brum office head Martin Guest and Samworth, oddly, disappeared behind closed doors into a nearby meeting room. TV screens in each area of the 13,500 sq ft offices then flickered into life and beamed each speech to all corners in a Big Brother-style omnipresence. One property stalwart quipped: “I’m scared of going into the loo in case there’s a TV screen with them on it in there. I might get stage fright!”
Supermarket paper trail
The supermarkets aren’t having a good time at the moment. Tesco has seen its share price tumble following its confirmation of a £250m black hole
in its accounts and all of the big four are losing market share to their discounter rivals. And now they’re set for another beating from environmentalists.
According to recycling company BigGreen.co.uk, the big four – Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Asda and Morrisons – issue more than 26,000 miles of till receipts every week. That’s more than enough to go around the entire circumference of the world. And weighing 270 tons, that would be more than enough to fill any kind of black hole…
Monumental competition
Now for another Halloween-esque Diary. Designer Bompas & Parr has linked up with Sir John Soane’s Museum to launch a competition to create monuments “in a magnificent celebration of death”. Architects and designers have until 7 November to submit plans for funerary architecture, tombs and mausolea in the Monumental Masonry competition. A shortlist of winning designs will be 3D-printed and displayed in the museum. At a launch on 5 December, the top three models will be auctioned, with proceeds split between the museum and cancer charity Maggie’s.
