Oscar-winning South Korean masterpiece Parasite is full of strong performances, but perhaps the biggest impression left on Diary was by the striking house at the centre of the unfolding story. It seems we were not alone. Planning lawyer Simon Ricketts, partner at Town Legal and regular EG columnist, also had his attention caught by the property, and the valuable lesson offered by the film.
“Parasite definitely a film with strong message,” he tweeted, “ie house buyers should always commission a building survey.” Wise words indeed, though we won’t go into any more detail lest you haven’t caught it yet.
A lyrical lease
Girl meets boy. Boy’s love for girl goes unrequited. Tears ensue. Diary knows the standard tried-and-tested formula for a classic pop song. However, it seems things have developed somewhat in the years since Diary stopped buying records.
Keeping it real, we found ourselves taking in a recent show (is that what the kids say these days?) by indie band Blossoms. And we were taken aback by how real estate has even invaded modern music. Your Girlfriend begins in familiar fashion: a boy falls for his friend’s (and flatmate’s) girlfriend. He would distance himself from this unfortunate scenario, but for one thing: “And now your girlfriend is ringing in my ears again. I should be moving out, but can’t cos we’ve just signed a lease.”
Love will tear us apart, Diary’s generation sang, but now, it seems, the housing market will keep us together.
Plain snailing
We’ve featured articles on business rates mitigation schemes in our legal and professional pages before, but we’ve never seen one quite like that highlighted by BBC News up in Bradford (Diary’s patch as a student reporter).
There, apparently, landlords are using unoccupied buildings to house “snail farms”, which are classed as agricultural use and therefore avoid business rates. But according to a council officer, these farms were just “snails in a box, nothing more”.
Anyone thinking of doing a proper job of this would presumably be best advised to run it through a shell company. And to make sure they know all the patter for talking shop. “How’s the snail business?” “Sluggish.”
N is for Nimby
Are you a parent wondering just how to start that difficult conversation with your child? You know the one… about the birds and the bees… and all the other wildlife out there at risk from vital infrastructure development. You are surely dreading the day they ask: “Where do planning permissions come from?”
Well, it turns out there is a children’s book out there that can help you gently ease your offspring into the harsh realities. The Motorway – one of the Level 7 Biff, Chip and Kipper stories from Oxford Reading Tree – features the plight of poor old Gran, whose home is rather too close to a proposed motorway.
“Green belt lobby making its way into Year 1 reading books,” pointed out @lostinstaffs on Twitter, sharing interior pages depicting a council planning meeting. To quote from the book: “Everyone went to a meeting. An important woman was there. The woman pointed to a map. ‘We have to put a motorway here,’ she said. ‘We don’t want the motorway here,’ said Gran. ‘It will spoil the village.’ ‘It can’t be helped,’ said the woman. ‘It has to go somewhere. I can’t stop it.’”
Which pretty much sums up the process. Credit to barrister Jonathan Easton of Kings Chambers for his response: “Given the location of Gran’s cottage she could do with some specialist CPO/compensation advice. Injurious affection methinks.”
Spotted in WHSmith
Thanks to Porterfield PR’s Ian Purvis for pointing out the following to us: “@EstatesGazette has an interesting position on the news shelves of my WHSmith. Between The World of Espionage and Psychic News. Make of that what you will.”
We could attempt a wry response, but MAPIC editor Mark Faithfull beat us to it, quipping: “I spy the future.” If we ever decide to move on from “The trusted source of real estate intelligence”, there could be a potential slogan in there somewhere.
Readers, please do let us know if you spot us sharing shelf space with unusual titles. If Diary could choose our ideal position, you’d find us right between Empire and the Beano.
We hardly knew ye
The revolving door at the housing ministry just keeps on spinning, so much so that it leaves Diary dizzy.
Not so build-to-rent specialist Richard Berridge, who retains a clear enough head to commit his thoughts to verse, in the style of Private Eye’s obituarist poet-in-residence, EJ Thribb:
So, farewell then, Esther
Another housing minister gone
So we couldn’t test her.
Ten in ten
Now Pincher’s our man
He makes eleven.
How long
Will you last
Chris?
How long indeed. Diary has June in the office sweep.
