When Facebook announced plans to become Meta last month, you may have been forgiven for thinking you were watching a 90-minute long teaser for the upcoming sequel to The Matrix. The tech giant promised its plans – labelled “terrifying” and “dystopian” by critics – will make a world “as detailed and convincing as this one”, featuring an avatar Mark Zuckerberg that looks as unrealistic as the actual Mark Zuckerberg. And now we know how they will make their virtual reality a reality. By opening actual, physical shops. Facebook, sorry, Meta says it will open scores of stores across the world, where newcomers to the virtual world will embark on “a judgement-free journey” to buy the goggles and glasses needed to enter the MetaMatrix. And, no doubt in an attempt to make the contrast with the shiny and exciting VR world all the more pronounced, Meta’s shops will apparently have a “flat, minimalist aesthetic”. We suggest they go even further and open these stores in deliberately terrible locations. As Morpheus might say: “Welcome to the desert of the real.”
Musical chair
Congratulations to Hogan Lovells partner and head of real estate disputes, Mathew Ditchburn – a regular contributor to EG’s legal & professional pages – on his well-earned ascension to become chair of the Property Litigation Association. But spare a thought for Ditchburn as he takes charge for his one-year term, following the stint of Osborne Clarke partner Gary Lawrenson. Not only has he been deprived of the usual pomp and ceremony that surrounds such an appointment, because the PLA annual dinner has once again been cancelled due to the lingering effects of the pandemic. But, indignity of indignities, Ditchburn is having to do his own PR. The retirement of Diary’s good friend Dee Cornes this summer has left the PLA between publicists, so he’s having to spread the word himself. We all know lawyers hate having to blow their own trumpet… and, as Ditchburn’s colleagues will be aware, he is far more comfortable on guitar.
The buck stops where?
Hoping to secure investment? Here’s a tip: be nice. To everyone. One would hope this would be the base-level approach to interacting with fellow humans for most of our readers anyway. But for those with a tendency to drop the ball when not officially “on show”, it could prove a costly mistake. Diary heard recently from a VC where the decision whether or not to invest in a business lies ultimately… with the receptionist. “If we have decided we would be happy to make an investment after a series of meetings, there is one last test to pass,” said one of the company bosses. “We ask the receptionist if we should go ahead with that investment based on how the person or people looking for the capital treated her in the waiting room. What better way to work out whether you are getting the real person in the room with you when they pitch?” What better way indeed.
Fantastic beasts
This week, Michael Gove went under the spotlight in his first session with the housing committee. It fell to chair Clive Betts to introduce Gove and his newly formed department. “I’d better get this title right – he’s secretary of state for levelling up, housing and communities and the minister for intergovernmental relations,” Betts said. “Well, that’s taken the first five minutes of our time.” Going on to grill the secretary of state, Betts probed Gove with the accusation that “the department didn’t always necessarily punch its weight in Whitehall”. On the contrary, Gove pointed out the department had recognition, having boasted some of the “biggest political intellects and biggest political beasts in respective cabinets at different times”. Betts bit back: “You’re considering yourself to be one of these big political beasts are you? Or maybe you’d like to be deputy prime minister.” Gove may have continued to protest, but it would be an easier title for the committee to remember.
Property viewing
The good folks at Uswitch must have a bit of time on their hands, now that energy deals are a thing of the past and even their own ads are recommending that, if customers actually still have a functioning supplier, they stick with them. So bravo to them for switching attention to mortgages as a spurious excuse to watch some telly. They’ve been inspired to “investigate” whether living near famous on-screen houses boosts property values. Turns out, in a collection of shows from the UK and (mostly) the US, it does – with the Fresh Prince’s adopted home in Bel-Air raising surrounding prices by a whopping 222%, just edging out Carrie Bradshaw’s New York apartment in Sex and the City (221%), ahead of such des-reses as Monica’s place from Friends, the Miami home of The Golden Girls and the so-called “murder house” from American Horror Story. Closer to home, apparently Highclere Castle in Newbury adds 9% to local properties thanks to its starring role in Downton Abbey. But we’re much more excited to learn that Jean and Otis Milburn’s abode in Sex Education is a real-life holiday let – The Chalet, in Symonds Yat East, Herefordshire – which has boosted neighbouring values by 58%. The kind of uplift that the racy Netflix show rather specialises in.
