You may indeed be in for a surprise. It seems Winnie-the-Pooh and Eeyore may be looking to cash in on the mini boom in residential property. OK, so this isn’t quite the Hundred Acre Wood, but this rustic abode with plenty of outside space is seemingly on the market in Crowborough, not far from the Ashdown Forest where Pooh creator AA Milne took inspiration. Strangely, Diary can’t seem to track down a listing on Rightmove or Zoopla. Time to give Greene & Co a call to check out the asking price…
The possibilities are endless
If Diary had a spare £9m lying around this week, it knows what it would buy. An instant portfolio of three unique island fortresses just off Portsmouth, currently being marketed by Strutt & Parker. No Man’s Fort offers 99,000 sq ft over four floors, with 23 substantial en-suite bedrooms as well as various bars, restaurants and event spaces for around £4.25m. Just a smidgen less will get you Spitbank Fort, a boutique retreat with nine large suites and its own bars and restaurants. Meanwhile, Horse Sand Fort is the ideal fixer-upper – a snip at £750k, comprising “100 chambers and living quarters and the original gun carriages” that S&P heralds as “a blank canvas which offers vast opportunities for renovation”. The whole set would be ideal for the ultra-prepared super-villain type looking to keep James Bond guessing which lair to invade long enough for world domination to be assured.
How to make an impression
Diary doesn’t get offered an awful lot of celebrity interviews, so this could be standard practice for all we know. But we can’t help wondering whether, as well as publicising her role in the new Spitting Image, impressionist Jess Robinson is also trying to flog her flat. Why is that? Well, her PR team has been in touch to tell us that its award-winning client will be voicing characters including Kim Kardashian, Gwyneth Paltrow, Angela Merkel, Taylor Swift and both Melania and Ivanka Trump on the satirical puppet show reboot. But then its continues: “She lives in a beautiful apartment in Hove, images below.” And very nice images they are. Maybe she’d be up for a Through the Keyhole relaunch, too?
The WFH tax?
The implications of the pandemic-driven homeworking revolution will be felt at all levels of the property industry – from the very top, where business leaders across the country consider their future office needs, to, it seems, the very bottom. Even houseshares are impacted. Diary spotted a listing on spareroom.co.uk, offering two “bright and cosy rooms” in Stephen’s “charming Victorian home with a modern twist”. He’s looking for £600pcm – but adds: “Working from home is available for an additional £50 to cover extra bills/etc” Since the original £600 includes “all bills”, adding more than an extra 8% on for WFH allows for an awful lot of “etc”. What is he expecting of his tenant? An extra 20 kettle boils per day? Working naked with the heating turned up in winter and sneaking in an air conditioner in summer? Is this the shape of things to come?
Never too young to change the world
Regular readers of Diary’s cousin, Lockdown Diary, will have been left on tenterhooks by last week’s column. Fiona Fletcher-Smith, group director for development and sales at L&Q, ended with the following: “My son arrives home from school full of 10-year-old rage about the increasing amount of single-use plastic and an inability of either the catering company or the school head to be willing to take responsibility. Everyone is passing the buck. I love his passion and we spend the time before bath and bed planning how to fix things.” His zeal won an admirer in Alex Harrington-Griffin, CEO of Trusted Land UK, who praised him on Twitter – and that led to a welcome update from Fletcher-Smith herself: “He won his battle and reusable cups were delivered to school last week. Pester power!” Sounds like he’s well on the way to being the next Greta Thunberg.
A landmark study
Diary has, in the past, done its best to update you on the myriad factors that can influence the value of your home – from the best rooms to renovate, to the colour of your front door, to the rudeness of your street name. This week, courtesy of Homedit, we bring you the UK landmark which adds the most to nearby house prices. Without further ado, it is Chatsworth House, in Bakewell, Derbyshire. Properties within a three-mile radius of the stately home are listed at an average of £635,996, compared to Bakewell’s area average of £409,397 – that’s a 55% premium to live in the shadow of Chatsworth House. The Eden Project in Cornwall adds 49%, while the Roman Baths in Bath boost prices by 44%. Entertaining as the top three are, it’s always the ones at the bottom that are of most interest – and it’s perhaps the UK’s ultimate landmark that hits values the most. Stonehenge has a remarkable 37% drag factor on nearby homes. Meanwhile, the environs of Windsor Castle see a 26% drop – Diary has to wonder why. Is it neighbours from hell?
