Most people are already sick of the election campaign and it’s only just started. I’m one of those weirdos who finds it all very entertaining. British politics might not be cool in the way that shows like the American version of House of Cards shows US politics to be, but I’m not sure we’d want it like that.
British people don’t enjoy the hype as much as Americans do. Their rallies take place in huge arenas with ticker tape falling from the skies, Meat Loaf playing Bat out of Hell, people crying while singing the national anthem and all sorts of other cheesy stereotypes. Try as I might, I just can’t imagine Ed Miliband walking out into a packed arena to pumping rock music and telling an adoring crowd how much he loves Britain while fireworks go off and the Red Arrows fly above.
Just thinking about it makes me cringe. Mind you, thinking about Ed Miliband doing anything makes me cringe. Especially those five-minute preambles he gives before answering a question: “Look, that’s a really important question. And I want to give you a full answer. Which I’m going to outline now. And it’s a question that goes to the heart of this election. And it’s this…”.
Quite why he does this is anyone’s guess. I think he’s just a big fan of the X Factor and likes building tension.
Our unique British eccentricity will run through this election, largely thanks to UKIP. Whatever you think of them, they certainly have made politics more interesting. Nigel Farage’s unique campaigning style seems to involve going on a one-man pub crawl of the country. Not that he’s always welcome in pubs, of course. Just the other week he was chased out of his local by diversity campaigners.
What I love about this story is people’s reactions when you tell them the details. There’s one bit where people definitely change their opinion. On the whole, people think it’s hilarious that a load of mums started breastfeeding in front of Farage and people performed poetry on behalf of groups that he’s offended.
But people’s enjoyment of the story ends when they are told that he was having his Sunday dinner at the time.
A friend of mine was outraged. “I can’t stand UKIP,” he said, “but there’s one thing you don’t do, and that’s interrupt someone having their Sunday roast.” So let that be a lesson – if you’re going to heckle someone, make sure they’ve finished their dinner first.
Farage won’t be the only source of entertainment, though. Boris Johnson will inevitably provide us with some bizarre experiences. You can be sure he’ll do something ridiculous, like fire himself out of a cannon, try to contact alien life or outline his manifesto. He really doesn’t seem to care what people think about him – which is probably a good thing.
There aren’t many politicians who could get stuck halfway across a zipwire and be left dangling waving Union Jacks and still remain popular.
What is odd about Farage and Johnson is that their gaffes make them more liked. Imagine the scene in the UKIP campaign HQ as an adviser tells Farage their opinion poll ratings have fallen. “Right, there’s only one thing for it,” he booms. “Get me on Newsnight – I’m going to slag off some hippies.”
Matt Forde is a comedian and former Labour political adviser. He is on a UK tour with his stand-up show 24 Hour Political Party People.
